"I don’t have the desire to put myself in their shoes"

This quote from a blog entry of a dear friend and colleague; Ghada, is what's been playing in my head for two weeks now needing to come out as a blog of its own. She spelled it out first, and that encouraged me to write. I understand she might be having these feelings about the students due to personal or domestic problems, but I think it's mostly because of two things: the first was that she had to deal with a generation of students that can be irritating because they're more and more "programmed" to have things readily available to them in what I can call "success capsules". That sector won't waste time trying to make an effort or understand; and they were treated in their homes as if these capsules are their "right" in this life so they have to get them as their right in college. The second reason is that we contributed to her negative feelings about the students with our own complaints and negative views of the students and maybe the faculty as a whole. Someone told me once: "Don't let the people outside realize how bad things are inside; you're not only making them see the bad side of your system, you're making them lose faith and trust in the system, including you because you're still a part of it." People "need" to "know" your system is stable or they not only will freak out, but they'll question everything you say or do that involves them and is related to the system. If our negative views are a part of the reason you feel bad about the job Ghada then I'm truly sorry for this.
Now that's only a side note; what I really wanted to talk about is the quote; its meaning and its implications. When I was a student, I only saw my world of lectures, sections, homework, assignments, and projects. I didn't give a damn about "others"; be that my parents or my teachers. I only saw my hardships and problems and I was engrossed in my friends and study. Then I became a TA, and the picture was altered completely! I saw the students as a different and annoying species, except for some of them who really put a smile on my face whenever I see them in a section. At first, you do the job the best way you can, and I wanted -while doing my job- to have every single students understand completely what I'm talking about. I became more and more frustrated as I realized this is not happening no matter how much I try. At the beginning I was frustrated with myself, then as years passed by and the same scenario happened, I began to blame the students; they don't want to understand, they don't want to make an effort, they don't want to evolve and reach higher standards in science and in real life. This is true for some students; but I skipped a very important fact: the normal distribution! There has to be students who do not want to progress, and there has to be students who want to progress for personal gain, and there has to be students who are "geniuses". I came to the conclusion that it's up to us as TAs and lecturers to "widen" the area of the curve that belongs to geniuses, and this only happens when you try to "engage" students that are highly motivated to join the "geniuses club." how to engage this category of students is a matter of finding out how to present an "excellent material" with an "excellent way."
Once I realized that this distribution in itself is not my problem and that "shaping" it is the problem that I need to address, I began to relax a little bit and try to focus on the new mission, I don't have a solution yet, but I'll keep looking and experimenting until I get there. I also began to look at the students with fresh eyes; trying to understand why the different categories would behave in different ways. The important breakthrough I had out of this realization really extended to all the other aspects of my life. I began to see why other people may act in certain ways, and not only that; but I began to imagine how would I've acted had I been in their "shoes." In the past I'd see the bus driver curse at a someone crossing the street and slowing him down and I'd say to myself "how impolite! What's the big deal?!" Now I can understand his frustration. I see my friend complaining about the kids and how hard it is to take care of them and instead of criticizing her for it I begin to see the stress she's under. I look at a student who's coming late half an hour to class and instead of kicking him or her out I say "surely he's detained for reasons beyond his will, and even if he's not, he already missed the important part of the section when I explain what we'll do, so he is a loser anyway."
A human is not born with this realization; he grows into it, and when this realization fully evolves, a lot of good things come with it; compassion, forgiveness, appreciation, and most important of all, peace of mind. You do not obsess about things, you rather "understand" why they are the way they are, and if that way is the "wrong" way, you can find a solution because you "understand" and "sympathize", the solution here is not for a problem; you don't have to deal with it as a problem because it's not your problem, the solution here is rather a "way" to deal with these things that brings you the peace of mind. For example; a student being impolite with me can be because he's raised that way or because he's extremely stressed out because he "has" to succeed because of his ambition or reasons other than his ambition. If I look at him this way, I'll understand that most probably his impoliteness is not directed at me as much as it's directed at my ability to make him move forward or backward. If he's raised to be impolite then me taking action is justifiable. If it's the other reason then instead of aggravating him even more I can assure him and make him lighten a little bit. This way we both win; I win a student who's more positive toward his study and who respects me for understanding his situation, and he wins some peace of mind and a feeling of security because someone does understand and is willing to give him a hand.
I admit that my views of today's students is not optimistic, and I still believe that the portion of them who do not want to make an effort to progress is only increasing, but I can't work putting that perspective in front of my eyes. I have to believe in them, even if they don't believe in themselves. I have to work as if they want to make things better, maybe then they WILL make things better, maybe if they see that you have hopes in them they'll start acting on it in a good way.
As for putting yourself in others shoes, it's a strategy you'll acquire only when you want to, and when you do have it, it will make you friends and allies you never dreamed you could have, and it will make you more loving of the world you're in, even when it's not perfect!