Friday, July 27, 2007


When you feel estranged from your true self, and you find yourself trying very hard to put on the extra happy façade for the world to see so they can't tell how hopeless you are, you know you're on the verge of hitting bottom. When try and dig deep for a reason to live, for a reason to go for, and for the life of you can't reach that, you know you're on the very thin soon-to-collapse tip of an abyss.

How did you get here? You were always pessimistic, but deep inside you had that glimpse of light that promised to come shining and overwhelming your soul. Is it a far distance for the light? You think no, because you can't seem to find it anymore, not even a dim dot of it. You're drowned in your own darkness, and you don't know where is where. You believed that no matter how dark you are inside, as long as you don't hurt people there is a chance for you in the world. But you don't buy that anymore, because you see people around you who did nothing but hurt, and they seem to do just fine. So what is it in you that expels happiness? What is it in you that doesn't see but black in everything?

Are you afraid to hope or are fed up with endless hoping? Is hope the light and you turned it off because you felt bound by it? You have to feel hope or you're not normal, so it became an obligation instead of a life savior?

Your screams are chocked inside, your cries are muted by the noise around you, you want to run away, and just go on running until you find a blank world with no memory and no beauty. In that blank world you want to see no color, you want to hear nothing, and you want to hope no more. You just want to forget, every little thing you remember. But you're afraid to go there, because you're not even sure you want that.

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