Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Pool of sand

This week and the past week, I finally got myself to begin reading and analyzing scientific papers related to my area of research. I felt completely overwhelmed by the fact that although the broad outlines are determined, finer details are still missing in my head. Unfortunately, I can't count on anyone else but me to define these details, and I feel as if I'm drowning in a pool of sand. Actually I'm drowning in two pools of sand! One whose sand is the still ambiguous research subject, the other being the compound circle I placed myself into by obliging to whatever administrative tasks the faculty assigned to me for over 6 years now together with making it a challenge to take a completely novel course every semester that I didn't give before! The only benefit I have is that I'm aware now that the pool(s) are polling me down, so I must fight to grab whatever is it that's out there to stop from drowning. The only "branch" I have available is my previous "painful more than pleasurable" experience during my Master thesis. I know what I should do, and I know that I have to do it fast. Of course this is not the place to lay out my plan in detail, it's just that when I talked to Osama, my friend and colleague; who's currently in Japan, I felt that I'm playing games here. I have to be more realistic and punctual and stop giving too much effort to trivia that's not helping me progress through my career. Not that I won't work my best to give the students what they deserve, it's just that I won't waste no more time challenging myself in novel course or doing administrative work that should be done by other faculty personnel. The days of giving without getting back are over! I need to focus a little bit on ME! Both on a personal and professional level. I need to hold on to the branch and swim back from the pool, but I hope that good luck gets by my side for once and when I get out I find myself not in the dessert without water, and better, I wish I find myself in a much more beautiful place.

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