Wednesday, May 9, 2007

Vertigo

I hate to stand on the verge of things or situations, when I'm dealing with them, I always want to have a central view, not look at what's outside it. I don't know if this means anything, but I love to be AT the center without "being the center", because the center is where you get to see all the action and act based on what happens in the core. Standing on the verge means two things to me: number one, I'll unconsciously look outward and not toward the inside, then instead of focusing on what really happens I'm watching out so as not to fall. Number two, it's besides the main point; why would I go and stand on the verge when there is a secure ground available? Why would I keep suffering from a situation when instead I can take action to resolve it?
Some people would say that standing on the verge is in fact a way to gain a new perspective and extend possibilities (well, at least that's what I'm saying sometimes!) and that standing on the verge is a sign of a daring personality. Well, I'm not daring and I'm sure not into enloying the beauty of uncertainty, but I find myself sometimes in a position of "I'm not sure what's gonna happen and I can't help but live it all the same," so I learn to either cope with the situation bravely or throw myself in a state of denial until the situation is resolved by a "magical power" that's often not mine.
Should any of this make sense at all? I don't know, but I hate edges and shaky situations, especially when I know I have no power to change them or get away from them.

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