Sunday, January 7, 2007

A Comment on one of my friends feelings..

Today, I read a blog entry posted by one of my coleagues and friends, Haitham. It brought back some unwelcomed memories of friends and betrayal. So I thought maybe I can share my experience with him as well as everyone in this context.
Without delving into much details, I had a friend - actually she's still my friend - who at one time in my life when I was most vulnerable, ignored me for the sake of social traditions. See, I made a mistake when I was in high school because of her, and when I had to face the consequences she simply stopped answering my phone calls and refused to see me on the grounds that my company is shameful. Needless to say I was devistated - I was in the middle of my final exams - and I felt so lonely and betrayed. On the other hand, there was this girl who was not very likable, but she stood by me in the time of crisis. I never liked her, but at that time I respected her bonding and thought "Hey, there is a person who really knows what you really are and respects you no matter what the others think". But later my old friend attempted to reestablish our friendship as the mistake was metigated by my hard work and seriousness and eventually faded into memory. First, I refused all types of contact, although deep inside I felt I needed this to rebuild a self image that has been broken to pieces. But the two girsl hated each other's guts, so I had to make the "right" choice and hold on to the girl who stood by me. Eventually the girls managed to like each other by some mysterious strike of luck.
The girl who stood by me turned out to be someone completely different for some reasons I can't mention here, and I severed all relationships with her. Surprisingly I kept my relashinship with my old friend on good terms. But the bitterness is still there. When I get back to that dark time when I was abandoned by the only person in the world whome I loved and respected, I feel like I want to kill someone. My sister used to say to me that if it was her, she would've never forgiven that old friend. But I have this theory that as you grow older, you grow wiser and stop expecting much of people - even soulmate friend and significant others - and you start seeing things in a new light of understanding of human weakness and stupidness. I never trust my old friend too much today, and I'm always on guard with her, expecting the worse, prepared for the worse. But somehow this does not affect our respect for each other, and most of all, she's the one who came back to the relationship. Looking at it now, I guess this was her way of saying I'm sorry I sold you out.
The morale of the story is "do not expect much of people, but do not loose them either!"

1 comment:

Mervat Fahmy said...

In another blog, Haitham made this comment. In reply, no Haitham, the memories are not bitter no more, they're just unwelcome, and the story was not to compare two identical situations, it was just a reminder of how sometimes friends do not rise to your expectations. Friendship is a tricky business, and as you grow and mature, you learn to forgive things your friends did that do not seriously compromise the essense of the relationship. In my humble view, friends are hard to come by and even harder to hold on to your friends, just don't expect too much of them so you won't be disappointed.

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