Friday, January 19, 2007

Old dreams were good dreams, and I'm glad I had them.

Somehow along the way I forgot who I am and what I was. I was pretty much something in the old days of preliminary and prep schools; meaning before I came back to Egypt. I was always the top of my class, and later the top of my school. Teachers were actually fighting to get me enrolled in their classes. I used to be a cornerstone of the school radio team, music team, acting team, painting team, and science team. I used to go to competitions of all kinds; hell, I won a couple of times a best actress and best journal artist. I used to be part of every single event the schools contributed in. I wrote, I played music, I contributed in arabesque competitions, I thought of myself a force to be reckoned with. But I knew deep inside that all this was a way to channel my frustration of the world. Little did I know that the days of glory would soon end to be replaced with days whose dullness slowly killed my potential. Maybe I wasn't that talented in all of the categories I used to practice, but I sure enjoyed versatility in activity. To find today that for the last thirteen years or so I had little to no activity besides studying hard to get myself a place in a respectable faculty, then surviving the years of university and work with no action whatsoever, that was a real down for me. And I found myself to be completely alone if I wanted to practice the old hobbies that once were the sole consolation in my rough days. Am I chasing a wild dream? Am I over and done with the possibility to enjoy what little pleasure I can afford? I try to tell myself that I'll do OK once I restore equilibrium after finishing my Master thesis, but I'll have to wait and see if I can pull it off. I really want to appreciate life more, to enjoy life more, maybe this will lead me to revitalizing my interest in my job so that I can do it the way I used to and perhaps better.

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